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Joke Hole (thread 4)
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Waggers



Joined: 22 Aug 2004
Posts: 7821
Location: Deeping St James

PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 12:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What do the security outside elland road have in common with a proctologist?









They only search one arsehole at a time Rolling Eyes

sorry to anyone who actually reads this forum
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cobhrambler



Joined: 09 May 2005
Posts: 1001
Location: cork ireland

PostPosted: Wed Feb 26, 2014 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just got a photo sent from a friend in prison....a cellfie Embarassed
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14/5/2011 Mission Accomplished!
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Hawkeye



Joined: 18 Dec 2003
Posts: 2965

PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 12:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Once upon a time there lived a balloon family. There was a Daddy balloon, a Mummy balloon and a Baby balloon. They were very affectionate and loved to have a cuddle together on the sofa whilst watching TV. Occasionally when there was a storm outside, Baby balloon got frightened and used to sleep in the bed next to Daddy balloon and Mummy balloon.
One day, Daddy balloon said "Now look here Baby balloon, you're getting to be a big balloon so you can't come into our bed anymore, OK?"
Baby balloon was very sad but agreed.
That night, there was a terrible storm and Baby balloon was very frightened so he tried to get into his parents' bed while they were asleep. But he couldn't fit because he was too big. So he very carefully let a little bit of air out of Daddy balloon. Still couldn't fit. So he let a little bit of air out of Mummy balloon. He still couldn't fit so he let a little bit of air out of himself and that was just enough to allow him to fit in the bed.
In the morning, when they woke up, Daddy balloon was very cross when he found that Baby balloon had disobeyed him and he said: "I'm very disappointed in you Baby balloon. Not only have you let me down but you let your mother down and worst of all, you let yourself down."
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Red Hat



Joined: 28 Sep 2005
Posts: 1082
Location: Still on the way home

PostPosted: Mon May 12, 2014 8:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote


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Southern Red



Joined: 08 May 2010
Posts: 1989
Location: Haywards Heath

PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 9:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy step on it whilst sexually harassing some girl. I couldn't help myself... I walked up to him and punched him on the nose!

Nobody does that to a girl... Not on my watch
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dark-shade-of-red



Joined: 24 Aug 2007
Posts: 5644
Location: Wiltshire

PostPosted: Sun Apr 26, 2015 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mate of mine asked how things were with the missis.

I said to him that she took my breath away.

I went on to say that she's actually an inflatable doll.
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Cheerful Sid
Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 12:02 pm
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Chubby



Joined: 18 Dec 2003
Posts: 3310

PostPosted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Statisically speaking, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
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Nic... I dare say you could kick everyone's arse on Mastermind with United as your specialist subject.... Pedantic wank-wipe.
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dark-shade-of-red



Joined: 24 Aug 2007
Posts: 5644
Location: Wiltshire

PostPosted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 4:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I ordered a few drinks at the bar last night. The bartender asked if I wanted a tray, I said "No thanks, I have enough to carry".
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"United's success has generated its wealth; City's wealth has generated its success. Anything else is just piss and wind."

Cheerful Sid
Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 12:02 pm
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Hawkeye



Joined: 18 Dec 2003
Posts: 2965

PostPosted: Tue Jun 16, 2015 10:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you hear about the blonde who stopped taking the contraceptive pill?
She said it was no good cos every time she stood up, it fell out.
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