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T-Shirt Jon's Liverpool Away Match Report

11th September 1999

by TSJ

.... A quick match-goer report for reds around the world who were unable to attend.....

7:00 on a Saturday morning. Should be fast asleep getting rid of that hangover. After all, Friday night is Friday night.

Instead, the worst sound in the world: the sound of my alarm clock. Yes, thanks to TV, Police, etc. we are never ever ever going to play the scousers at 3 o'clock on a Saturday again (unless it's 3am).

7:15 and I finally manage to drag myself out of bed and into the shower. 15 minutes later I'm in my car. Another 30 seconds later I'm back in the house retrieving the 12-pack of Boddies from the fridge, and a further 4 minutes later I've done another about-turn from about a mile down the road to come back home for my phone.....

8:30 and I'm at the Post House Hotel next to Haydock Park Racecourse to meet a group of lads from various parts of Manchester plus Red Devil.

We have breakfast, and retire to the bar - which is open at 9:00. A few pints of Guniess later and we are on our way to Anfield.

At this point we realise that we have accidentally forgotten to pay for our breakfast, but surprisingly none of us want to go back to settle the account. When in Rome....

The traffic into the cesspit is pretty heavy, so we crack a few cans. The rest of the lads are upbeat about the game, but I'm worried that having Keano out and the scouse team bereft of most of the normal idiots who are beaten before they take the pitch against us - plus their recent record - may count towards a shock result.

We are soon mingling with the shell-suited ones and now the beer is talking "I hate these fucking scouse bastards" is the generally-aired view. And who can disagree? Horrible spit-spouting accents, unwashed, clueless in the clothing department, we are all having to walk with our hands on our wallets, the list of reasons to hate scousers just goes on and on.

By 11:20 we are stood in front of our seats and the anti-scouse atmosphere is rising. "We are the Champions - Champions of Europe". The accoustics are crap in the new Anfield Road End and we never got that chant going the way we did at Highbury (all 4,000 singing it in unison for 20 minutes non-stop). However, we DID sing it ALL the way through the hideous "You'll never walk alone" blaring out over the tannoy with 40,000 scousers singing along to it holding their scarves (strangely, not Arsenal or Bayern this time).

Then the players were out on the pitch. After a few quick forays by the scousers into our half easily dealt with by Jip Jaap, the shirts (the navy Lacoste-like thing, white shorts, white socks) begin to seriously dominate the dirties and it is no surprise when inside 5 minutes the ball is in the back of the scousers net in front of a despairing Kop to the delight of the 4,000 travelling fans at the other end of the ground. We go mad, despite having no idea who has scored.

Now here I must declare some bias. If somebody came along and killed my entire family in cold blood, I could not hate him more than I hate scousers. So when Andy Cole gets a free header 4 yards out and it ends high in the net to make it 2-0, all United fans within a 5 yard raduis got a non-homosexual hug from an absolutely delirious TSJ. Not that I was the only one who was happy.

We couldn't see anything but a seriously big win. Maybe today we could eradicate the memory of letting them off the hook at 3-0 5 years ago.

But, of course, this is United so we have to give them one back don't we? Out of absolutely nothing, the scousers are awarded a free kick when Scholes allows a mickey to foul him and then dive gracefully to the floor.

During the free kick from which our 2nd goal had been scored, the entire United end was in the middle of "If you all hate scousers clap your hands". Now, again, the same chant starts. It gives me a feeling of forboding. Sure enough, Taibi comes out for the cross, misses it by miles, and an unidentifiable scouse player has the simplest of tasks in heading it into an empty net. Incredibly, we are now only 2-1 up.

The scousers are suddenly awake now, and they even threaten to score again, but Taibi saves well one-handed to his left from Berger. Then, from a corner, Nicky Butt picks the ball up, checks it for scratches, autographs it, and chucks it out of the penalty area. Amazingly, the referee misses all of this and despite scouse protests (for which there are no bookings) he does not award the blatant penalty.

"In your Liverpool slums", we sing, laughing at the scousers.

At some stage in the first half, Fowler (still cheating, pushing, kicking, nudging, diving) comes over near to the away support, who serenade him with "You Scouse Bastard" at full volume. Real scouse hatred. Great.
Then Becks misses a chance in front of the Kop. He picks up one of the missles aimed at him from the Kop and pretends to throw it back. Taking the piss. Wonderful.

Then Giggs is played clean through. Great save from the goalkeeper, but as Ryan tries to get the ball back he is pulled up just short of the edge of the penalty area by a scouse defender who is stood at the edge of the 6-yard box with the elastic of Ryan's shorts in his hand. Ryan is unable to stretch the elastic any more than about 8 yards so he can't reach the ball. Blatant penalty, but yet again the referee waves play on.

Then we get another free kick. "Come on, lads, 3-1" - Becks swings it over and yet again it ends up in the scouse net from a once-more unidentifiable source. Cue more delirium. Cue more "Champions" and a new chant: "Where's your Bayern, where's your Bayern, where's your Bayern Munich Flags?".

Half time and the feeling downstairs is that it's wrapped up. Maybe the scousers might get another, but we will get 2 or 3 more surely.

Should have known better. We sit back, content to defend our lead, and the scousers get up a head of steam. In the stands, we are going through the full United repertoir - 'Pride of all Europe', 'Whenever they're playing in your town', 'If you all hate scousers', 'In your liverpool slums', 'We fucking HATE scousers' (to the tune of 'Those were the days'), 'You're not famous any more', 'They're on the dole, all the scousers on the dole', etc.

Some great saves from Taibi, and the United defence looks shaky - particularly from crosses. And we are giving the ball away too cheaply. And not closing them down. Or so it seems. Then the scousers score. 3-2. Shit. They're up for it now.

Then Song, who has been kicking and climbing over Cole and Yorke all game, goes completely over the top against Andy, who naturally retaliates. The referee has no option. 2 yellow cards, in Andy's case a red as well. I am looking forward to seeing Song sent off at Old Trafford. Please.

The scousers are really at us now, going through the whole repertoir - late tackles, cheating, diving, off-the-ball pushing and kicking, the lot. They're playing a bit of football as well, they've got nearly all the possession. Golden Boy comes on for Camara - who we are glad to see the back of. We finally get in their half. Becks comes over to take a corner. Gets the full United applause and breaks out into a big grin. Ever time we get a throw-in, various missles land on United players' heads. But this is Merseyside, home of the lovable scouser, so they're only having a bit of fun.

It's 1:15. 15 minutes to go. Every time I look at the clock, it has stopped. It's still 1:15. My watch has stopped as well. About an hour later, it's 1:16.

We miss a couple of chance to catch them on the break and finish it. We sing a few more songs. 1:17.

Finally, after about 4 lifetimes, the assistant hold up the board: 3 minutes injury time. It looks like we may have weathered the storm. We break out again. Giggs heads for the corner flag, and sells a brilliant dummy to Berger who is still heading for the corner flag as Ryan makes his way into the scouse penalty area. He doesn't cross it, but gets a corner instead. Good thinking, Ryan. Becks plays it short. Ryan puts it against the corner flag and wins a throw-in. Fergie comes off the bench and holds up 3 finger to the referee: "You've played 3 minutes injury time now, it's full time, blow you bastard!!". The referee goes over and bollocks him.

We take the throw. We've won a corner, but it doesn't matter. Right in front of us, the referee blows for full time and we've beaten those dirty workshy thieving grannystabbing scouse bastards in their own hovel again. The players all come right over to join in the celebration and are well-pleased. Particularly Becks, who clearly hates them as much as we do.

Now we have to wait 30 minutes to get let out, but we don't mind. We go through the full repertoir to the departing miserable scousers as they leave for their hovels: 'You're not famous any more', '10 years since you won the League', 'Where's your Bayern Munich flags?', 'Get to work you lazy twats', 'Sign on', and many more.

We get let out, and walk away from Anfield with big grins on our faces. I hate going to Merseyside. I hate going to Anfield and seeing all those horrible scousers. But I love beating them.

The fucking scouse cunts.